Glasses.

(The Poindexters, 1997-2009)

Glasses are weird. I have had them since I was in seventh grade, and ever since then, it's odd for me to think that there are people who wake up in the morning and see everything perfectly. I feel like glasses (or contacts) are something that everyone should need, that eyes aren't designed to be perfect. Clearly that's not true, but nearly all of my closest friends and relatives wear corrective lenses in some way.

Glasses are also weird in how much they represent who you are, and how much we immediately discern about someone's personality and character based on the frames that they have.

I recently had to retire my trusted pair of glasses that I have had for the last 12 years. I was quite a fan of these glasses. They saw me through the good times and the bad, and helped me to see a lot of things differently. I had an older thinner pair of wire-rims that I also wore intermittently as well, but it was the black rims, which I shall refer to as "the Poindexter" that truly felt like my glasses. Once, when I was having the lenses replaced on them, the glasses technician who actually said, "Don't ever get rid of those glasses!" I'm not sure they are that special, but I really liked them.

A few years back, two things happened: the wire-rims snapped in half, and Adrien hit me in the side of the head with a ball during a youth group game, cracking the arm of the Poindexter glasses. It was then that I knew that I would soon need to find some new glasses.

I was able to get the wire-rims hastily "repaired" to give them another year or so of life, but the clock had started. The Poindexters were still alright as well, definitely wearable, but the crack was enough that it was clear I would soon have to retire them or watch them die.

I have spent the past year or so looking for something as close to the Poindexters as I could find, but to no avail. During that time, the wire-rims cracked again (vaya con Dios, wire-rims), and each time I put on the Poindexters, I was afraid that it would be the last.

Then, in January, I stumbled on a site that seemed like a scam (in fact, I'm still rather surprised that it isn't). From this site, I purchased three pairs of glasses, for $35.

Not three frames for $35. Three pairs of glasses (perscription lenses & frames) for $35.
Not three pairs of glasses for $35 each. Three pairs for $35 TOTAL (shipping included).

I chose the opportunity to therefore try some new looks, and came up with some winners:

The Invisaline Glasses.
These are invisible feather weight frames that are so light to the touch that you can barely feel them. They do however require you to wear contact lenses and are not actually real.
Cost: $free

The "Almost Poindexters"
This was the closest that I could find. They are a bit rounder than I was looking for, but the price was right.
Cost: $8


The Coffee Shop
What better way to say "I might be pretentious and kind of a jerk" than with glasses like these. When wearing these, I begin to think that Smart Cars are just that, and that perhaps I haven't seen enough movies by Ingmar Bergman, and that I need to read more of the writings of David Eggers.
Cost $8

The Dungeon Masters
These frames have a million hit points and maximum charisma. With these babies I can program in C++ and see nuances in the movie Tron that I never quite grasped before. Clearly frames designed for those who have nothing to prove to anyone.
Cost: $10

I'm not sure that these three frames fill the hole in my heart left by the Poindexters, but the cheapness makes me feel like a genius.

I also would like to note that I have no regrets about dropping the extra $2 for The Dungeon Masters. They are great to wear when you want to tell people, "I have all the friends that I need, thank you very much," but don't want to sound like a jerk about it. They also provide you with added authority when called upon to settle matters of random trivia disputes (especially in the realm of comic books, sci-fi, and sci-fa).